She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
