I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
