I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well I just put wine in my tea
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
