Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
