i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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