You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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