I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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