her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
