I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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