when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
