I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
