I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
