I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
