I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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