He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
