The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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