mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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