i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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