if you like me you must not know who I am
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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