I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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