This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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