He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
