everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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