I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
