This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
