I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
