I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
