Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
