And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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