I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
