For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
