Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
