respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
