My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
