I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
