i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
