I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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