The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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