so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
