Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
