Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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