saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
