All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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