me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
being pregnant is like rehab
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
