im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
