He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
