I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
