if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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