Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
