Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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