i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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