I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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