I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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