I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
