Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
