She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
