I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
