the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
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don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
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That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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