billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
