i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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