I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
