she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
