Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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